By While Jurassic World takes the *ahem* world by storm, I never really connected with the idea. I don’t have as big of a connection with Jurassic Park as a lot of folks do, but at the same time, I love me some dinosaurs. Good thing too as our review seems to think the film doesn’t really live up to that hype. Besides, I’m broke so I can’t afford the ticket anyway. So what can you do?
Is there a way to enjoy a good movie while still meeting the dino quota? Yes.
Here are five things you can watch this weekend instead of Jurassic World.
We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story
Ah, We’re Back. Truth be told, I had no idea this films existed for a long time. My only run in with it was seeing the awesome looking poster art on the cover of its VHS. It was a little bit after that where I finally watched it and I wasn’t disappointed. So I’m guessing the same will happen for you. Instead of watching terrifying super monsters chase a bunch of dumb people around a park for the fourth time in a row, watch some dinos hang out in the Natural History museum.
Besides it was produced under Steven Spielberg’s Amblimation line and stars John Goodman, so you know that’s a good sign. Clearly it’s better than Jurassic World.
The Land Before Time
Ugh, this movie is so saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Why would I recommend thiiiiiis? At the very least, I can argue that a young group of dinos that want to find their families will make you cry because it’s well written and not because it’s badly animated like Jurassic World. In fact, just cry this weekend and cut out the middle man.
Theodore Rex
Remember this? Whoopi Goldberg wishes you didn’t. Why not rub this terrible decision in her face while you pretend she’s actually stuck in that one manga, Gantz. Or you can just keep crying since you’re so alone and would rather write about a movie than go see one yourself. it’s not like you have friends to go with you anyway.
Dinosaurs
I remember when I had a family once. I used to watch movies with them all the time. I actually saw the first Jurassic Park with my dad. He didn’t like it much, so it pretty much changed how I felt about it too. But you know what I had a good time with? ABC’s Dinosaurs. If I remember correctly, it was part of the early TGIF block and had a lot of good puppet work. But they always get to be a happy family by episode’s end. That’s more than I ever got.
God, I’m so lonely. My family. Where have you gone? I miss you so much.
Jurassic Park
But the best choice is to deny the future and head back into the past. I was much happier back then. With my family, with my loving home, with my friends. Maybe if I watch Jurassic Park instead of Jurassic World, the future will never happen? I can trap time within this little capsule and repeat it for as long as I want! Everything new is old and everything old is new again!
Birth, life, death, rebirth, relife, redeath, rerebirth, rerelife, reredeath, rererebirth, rererelife, rereredeath, rerererebirth, rerererelife, rerereredeath, rererererebirth, rererererelife, rererereredeath
Those are my suggestions for five things you can watch that aren’t Jurassic World! Are you going to see it?