What’s Going On? Faster Trailer

Hello y’all cuties. My name is Alex Barbatsis and I’ll do an intro blog soon, but right now we need to take a look at the trailer for Faster starring the Rock and Billy Bob Thorton

Firstly, please watch this.

OK, go get some water and breathe because your head is surly spinning from one of the most baffling trailers of all time.  Let’s hit the big points after the jump.  

1) Is that Billy Bob Thorton?

Yes it is.  What’s happening to his head and face?  Hair.  And auburn hair at that.  Now, I can believe the Rock can walk into an operating room and shot a man as his kidney is being removed for a young ward (I added that in to make the Rock seem like a real jerk), but don’t expect me to believe that Billy Bob can have anything growing out of his face that isn’t wolf grey.  Was he always this skinny, or is it an optical illusion due to the Rock being in the frame before?  Either way, get that man some In and Out animal style post haste.  

Also, doesn’t he have an oscar?  Looking over his
Hello y'all cuties. My name is Alex Barbatsis and I'll do an intro blog soon, but right now we need to take a look at the trailer for Faster starring the Rock and Billy Bob Thorton

Firstly, please watch this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujc1RlY22ts

OK, go get some water and breathe because your head is surly spinning from one of the most baffling trailers of all time.  Let's hit the big points after the jump.  

{{page_break}}1) Is that Billy Bob Thorton?

Yes it is.  What's happening to his head and face?  Hair.  And auburn hair at that.  Now, I can believe the Rock can walk into an operating room and shot a man as his kidney is being removed for a young ward (I added that in to make the Rock seem like a real jerk), but don't expect me to believe that Billy Bob can have anything growing out of his face that isn't wolf grey.  Was he always this skinny, or is it an optical illusion due to the Rock being in the frame before?  Either way, get that man some In and Out animal style post haste.  

Also, doesn't he have an oscar?  Looking over his filmography via imdb, Mr. Thorton hasn't been in anything I've been remotely interested in since 2004 being Friday Night Lights.  His next film: the Bad News Bears remake.  I knew that movie was cursed!  

2) The Rock shoots a man on the operating table.

Is it that easy to walk into an emergency room.  Every time I go in for a check up, its tough enough trying to make your way to the receptionist.  He must have cut in line.  And I highly doubt that he scrubbed in.  If I head to Vegas right now, how much money can I put on a sequence where the Rock stops the anesthesiologist from keeping the patient/probable baddie under so he feels the pain.  Sorry Mr. Piggy Bank, but your getting smashed.

3) Does the Rock do anything besides shoot people from point blank range?

Why yes, he stabs at least one guy with an ice pick.  Other than that its all snub nose revolver action.  That slow motion shot of him reloading.  Expect 17 of those.

4) "Main Villains" are improbably good looking.

I love this.  No reason for the cheesecake shot of the gal in underwear and a coat.  I cannot wait to see what devious plots they are entangled in.  It has to be drugs, right? Either that or something "topical" like human trafficking or puppy mills.  

5) How did they make the driving scenes look so boring?

They have some sweet cars, open stretches of road, a semi truck, and guns.  Why do I get the feeling the car chases are going to be my cue to hit the bathroom to wash out my eyes.  There doesn't seem to be a sense of velocity so far, thus making the cars appear to be doing 30 in a 25 mph zone.  The movie is called Faster for pete's sake!  Look for a dusting of shaky cam effects in the final product. 

6) No Headlocks.

The Rock barely throws a punch in the trailer.  Its all gun to the face all the time.  He must have wanted to get away from his wrestling roots and the recent string of Disney flicks at the same time.  I can see his conversation with his agent.  "Listen, if I have to get within two feet of another person, I'm not doing it!"  Will there be any creativity to the action?  Lets hope not, I don't want to have to process during this film.

In conclusion, there is no way this movie can be good.  But it has a strong possibility of being a great January movie, action dumped into the beginning of the year as a digestif to the filling Oscar season.

Wait a second, it comes out in November!?  Well, look for this on DVD by March featuring a behind the scenes interview with Mr. Thorton where he uses terms like "Change of pace," "Had a blast filming," and "Easy Paycheck Rewarding experience."