First look at Jurassic World 2: Night At Chris Pratt’s Museum

Very little is known about Jurassic World 2.

We don’t know:

– The title

– The plot

– The new super-dino-villain

– Whether or not Chris Pratt’s mustache survived the first film

– Whether or not another c-grade character will be brutally, and ruthlessly killed off in one of the most over-the-top sequences ever (let’s hope so)

– Whether or not we’ll see a Dennis Nedry (Wayne Knight) cameo, at long last, via some obituary or veiled reference

What we do know: JW2 drops June 22, 2018–so anticipate many more secrets being released from amber over the course of the next year-plus.

BUT, based on this teaser image from director J.A. Bayona, we can now safely predict that Ben Stiller and Clive Owen / Owen Wilson (aka the super comedic duo Clive Owen Wilson) will join their Jurassic Park friends for a NIGHT OF TERROR AT THE MUSEUM, wherein John Hammond’s long-lost, sexually repressed, masochist, billionaire grandson Christian Grey will unleash genetically enhanced velociraptors on his unwitting guests at his own museum of curios. Shit, did that just happen? I think so. 

Now back to my birthday festivities.