Flatliners has been revived. Someone failed to note the DNR checked box on the back of it’s 1990, expired driver’s license and gave it a few thousand volts from a defibrillator. You’re welcome.
Because it’s been 27 years and because it existed, it’s being remade. Yes, we have the technology. Yes, we can rebuild him. But should we? Sometimes, the million dollar man should be left dead.
Flatliners is a quaint psychological thriller from Director Joel Schumacher, released in 1990. It stars the power combo of Kiefer Sutherland, Julia Robers, and Kevin (I’m two degrees from) Bacon. Flatliners (2017) is actually a sequel of some sorts. Expect a Kiefer Sutherland return as he’s definitely billed in the cast.
I’ve not much to say about this as I’m not yet sure how rankled I should be. On the one hand, the first half of the trailer just seems like an opportunity for a few graphics artists to demonstrate how much special effects have improved in the last three decades. On the other hand, the second half of the trailer actually begins to feel quite creepy. But as yet, nothing looks like anything I’ve yet to see before, including the title.
I for one, am waiting to judge. What about you? Were you amongst the six people on planet earth dying for a yes-but-what-if-they-made-a-sequel! sequel? Why are you excited for Flatliners, starring the ageless Ellen Page, to return? Or conversely, why were you hoping it stayed dead? Is this technically, a zombie film? Zombies are so hot, you guys.
Vague. Creepy. Just indecipherable and noncommittal enough to be interesting.
Alternate staff taglines:
Rick: “What’s dead shall never die.” (Oh wait, that’s Game of Thrones! Drats!)
Hubes: “Oh look, that movie you or your uncle might have seen.”
Rick: “Flatliners: the fate of all bad remakes.”
Hubes: “No, seriously, it’s a fucking Flatliners remake.”
Rick: “Now with old man Kiefer balls!”
Hubes: “Because a Lost Boys remake was too expensive, here’s another thing that had Kiefer Sutherland in it.”
Rick: “Because Cokeliners wasn’t hip enough–the kids prefer Molly.”
Hubes: “Relive the experience of having nothing to watch on basic cable in the early 1990s except for Flatliners.”
Rick: “This movie is made for one-liners.”
