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Are you looking forward to Rock of Ages? Hang on, let me stop you right there. If you were about to say, “Why yes!,” then I’ve got some unfortunate news for you. You’re an idiot. I’m sorry that I had to be the one to tell you this. I know it probably would have been easier coming from a family member or something that didn’t threaten you sexually as much as I do. It’s ok, though. There are millions of idiots just like you out there in the world. You don’t have to be alone and scared about it any more. Right now, there are thousands of gatherings of idiots just waiting for you to join them. From a Tea Party rally to people that unironically read 50 Shades of Grey for their local book club, there’s a gathering of dimbulbs, twits, and derps within five miles of your home or office that will accept you for what you are: a complete and utter idiot.
Rock of Ages releases this Friday for idiots in theaters everywhere. Let Rock of Ages gently guide you into the larger world of the socially-apt moron.