Paul Blart 2 gets a director, Hell freezes over

The Hollywood Reporter has, well, reported that Andy Fickman, amateur necromancer and director of movies with posters of the cast over a white background, will be directing the unholy Cthulhu-spawn Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. For those who don’t recall, the first film came out in 2009 and nearly reduced the human race to jibbering piles of madness, all while grossing over $145 million, a nice chunk of change for the Illuminati to continue their dread designs. 

The sounds you hear, of course, are millions of baby goats squealing in agony as this cosmic horror begins forcing its way ever closer to our dimension. If they make their planned April start time, the end times will likely be upon us some time in early 2015.