By There is a vast number of things in this life that I know I will never understand. Science has done a lot of the legwork already, but the pursuit of more knowledge of the workings of the universe seems only to lead to frustration. We may discover something new and not understand it, or we may understand something but struggle to explain it.
It’s impossible to be certain of what we will know tomorrow, a year from now, or ten years from now, but there is one thing for which I know we will never, ever find an answer: how can the people who used to make us laugh until our faces hurt create something like Grown Ups?
Wonders never cease.
There is a vast number of things in this life that I know I will never understand. Science has done a lot of the legwork already, but the pursuit of more knowledge of the workings of the universe seems only to lead to frustration. We may discover something new and not understand it, or we may understand something but struggle to explain it.
It’s impossible to be certain of what we will know tomorrow, a year from now, or ten years from now, but there is one thing for which I know we will never, ever find an answer: how can the people who used to make us laugh until our faces hurt create something like Grown Ups?
Wonders never cease.{{page_break}}
Within the first twenty minutes, Grown Ups sets itself up to fail by providing little other than overblown sentimentality and uninteresting plot. It tells the story of a young basketball team led by a great coach. We fast-forward to the future and watch as the five members of the team hear individually that the coach has died. Their reactions essentially provide the full depth of their characters, so we learn everything we need to know about them within about five minutes.
So the five men travel back to their hometown to attend the funeral of their coach. They make predictable and unfunny jokes about each other for about fifteen minutes while the audience cringes at just how terrible what they are watching is. Still, there’s a bit of hope — after the funeral, what turn will the movie make? Will it get funny? Will it provide entertainment?
Well, no, it won’t. What the movie does, however, is completely abandon plot and instead just focus on the five characters and their families as they entertain themselves. They shoot arrows into the air and make more of the same jokes about each other. They even go to a waterpark where they make the same jokes about each other.
And that’s essentially what the movie is. The comedy relies upon the same few character jokes, but the characters themselves are so transparent that you can hear the jokes in your mind long before they’re uttered. Sure, some people get hurt and the audience lets forth a little chuckle (especially when a kid gets hit in the stomach with a rock — kids getting hurt is always funny), but aside from that, this is one of the least funny comedies that I’ve ever seen, and it’s definitely a low point in a series of low points for Sandler.
Perhaps the strangest part of the film is just how hard it tries to avoid its original premise. About one half through the film, the focus shifts to Sandler’s family and an upcoming trip to Milan for a fashion show. Their kids are spoiled brats and Hayek is totally focused on work, so they can’t have any fun; all the while, Sandler is trying to hide what his life is like by convincing his friends that their Asian nanny is actually a foreign exchange student. Typing this out makes me realize that I don’t need to explain why this is such a disaster in the film.
I have no doubt that this film was a lot of fun to make. I mean, during shooting, Sandler got to hang out with some great buddies from his past and he got to play a basketball superstar married to Salma Hayek. It all sounds great for him, but for the audience, there’s really no fun at all. The comedy is some of the laziest of Sandler’s career — it’s the sort of film that you’ll honestly believe you could have written better, and no one in the room with make any objections. If you do watch it with friends, though, I hope you’re not the one who suggested it. If so, prepare for a night’s worth of angry glares and a lasting mistrust in your taste in films.
I don’t know how Sandler and company have reached this point. I really don’t. Please don’t see this film.
Overall Score: 3.85 – Horrendous. (3s are terrible in every way possible, and are completely awful. Not even a single scene was mediocre, and the entire cast should be ashamed. It doesn’t matter what your film tastes are, this movie should have never been made. It might be the worst film you’ll ever see in your life.)
Grown Ups is playing on repeat in Hell. There's truly nothing redeeming about it. It's a low point in the career of everyone involved — even Kevin James, and that's saying something. A comedy with next to no laughs or fun, there's no reason anyone in this life should see Grown Ups.
Andres Bolivar:
Overall Score: 3.45 — Horrendous. Grown Ups is a sad film that will only make you realize that things just aren’t the same anymore. SNL has changed and so have we, yet Sandler and gang managed to put out a new movie that seems dated even for the 90s when everyone was on top of their game. Everyone in this movie have been in both good and bad movies, yet somehow taking these greats of yesteryear and putting them in the same film results in the worst movie these actors have ever been in (and they ALL have been in some stinkers). This film is absolutely toxic and if you have any kind of respect for yourself, you won't see this movie. You can read the full review here.