By I think I’m sick of Jack Black. Perhaps it took me longer than most people. His act has just become exhausting. In a supporting role, such as Tropic Thunder or High Fidelity, Black is brilliant. As the lead? Not so much. Never has this been truer than in Gulliver’s Travels, a modern day retelling of the classic Jonathan Swift novel of the same name. Take a look at that header image above. You see that look of dismay on Jack Black’s face? That’s because even he can’t believe how terrible this damn movie is. Â
I think I’m sick of Jack Black. Perhaps it took me longer than most people. His act has just become exhausting. In a supporting role, such as Tropic Thunder or High Fidelity, Black is brilliant. As the lead? Not so much. Never has this been truer than in Gulliver’s Travels, a modern day retelling of the classic Jonathan Swift novel of the same name. Take a look at that header image above. You see that look of dismay on Jack Black’s face? That’s because even he can’t believe how terrible this damn movie is. {{page_break}}
Gulliver’s Travels tells the story of Lemuel Gulliver (Jack Black), a mail-room clerk for a local newspaper who spends his days goofing off and finding excuses to talk to the paper’s travel editor Darcy (Amanda Peet). Challenged to ask her out by mail-room new guy Dan (T.J. Miller), he ends up traveling to the Bermuda Triangle on an assignment for the paper after Darcy mistakes his affection for her for an interest in travel writing. One swirling ocean vortex later, and Gulliver finds himself shipwrecked on Lilliput, an island whose citizens are no bigger than one of Gulliver’s fingers who take him hostage.
Jack Black couldn’t even show up in typical Jack Black form. He seems to have just taken the check and called it a day. Much of the rest of the cast turn in equally tepid performances. Billy Connolly is completely wasted as Theodore, King of Lilliput, and it’s entirely possible that Emily Blount was reading her lines off the palm of her hand in her role as Princess Mary. The usually stellar Jason Segel plays Mary’s love interest Horatio, and it looks like he’s trying, but Segal simply cannot overcome the lifeless script. Chris O’Dowd did manage to muster one of the Gulliver’s Travels bright spots as the slimy Edward, general of the Lilliputian army who wishes nothing more than to get rid of Gulliver and make Princess Mary his wife. The few scenes in which Edward attempts to court the Princess were only moments of the movie’s eighty-five minute running time that actually managed to elicit genuine laughter from me.
For a film as messy as this one, I was surprised that the visual effects were up to snuff. The sense of scale they’ve managed to create is legitimately impressive, which also lends itself to some decent use of 3D effects. Outside of that, it’s really difficult to say anything else positive about Gulliver’s Travels. At one point during the early parts of the film, Gulliver earns the admiration of the townspeople when he rescues King Theodore from a fire by dropping his pants and using his urine to abate the flames. General Edward expresses his disgust, causing Gulliver’s to turn around to face Edward while still relieving himself, showering Edward with pee while simultaneously revealing his genitals to the rest of the town’s onlookers. That scene sums up the film in a nutshell — an endless cavalcade of juvenile humor and unfunny pop-culture references. It is an insult young and old audiences alike.
Overall Score: 3.15 – Horrendous. (3s are terrible in every way possible, and are completely awful. Not even a single scene was mediocre, and the entire cast should be ashamed. It doesn’t matter what your film tastes are, this movie should have never been made. It might be the worst film you’ll ever see in your life.)
There is absolutely no reason you should see Gulliver’s Travels. None. If you’re a parent, please take your kids to see something else. Anything else. I’m begging you. Saying this disaster is the equivalent to finding coal in your stocking on Christmas morning would be an understatement. It’s more comparable to waking up and discovering the tree caught fire in the middle of the night, destroying your presents and killing the family dog, Jack Black unable to save the day with the deadly accuracy of his urine stream.
