To be quite honest, I was wary of reviewing the post-apocalyptic, semi-religious-themed Book of Eli. At some point, the big twist was spoiled for me, and it sounded so ridiculous, I never gave it a chance. For reasons unknown, I’m not big on Denzel Washington, but I do love Gary Oldman and Mila Kunis is in it and she’s pretty. In any event, I never bothered to see it. I decided to add it to the six or so other reviews I volunteered for so I could have another easy under-7.00 review to go along with Saw 3D and Tiny Furniture. However, the grind of almost a review a day started to get to me, so I decided to change it up.
What follows is a real time list of my thoughts and observations as I watched this movie, complete with timestamps for the boys and girls at home. The (bold, parenthesized) bits occurred after the fact, to help clarify for both you and me. After the list will be a brief summary of my thoughts. Also, there will be minor spoilers, so watch out.
To be quite honest, I was wary of reviewing the post-apocalyptic, semi-religious-themed Book of Eli. At some point, the big twist was spoiled for me, and it sounded so ridiculous, I never gave it a chance. For reasons unknown, I’m not big on Denzel Washington, but I do love Gary Oldman and Mila Kunis is in it and she’s pretty. In any event, I never bothered to see it. I decided to add it to the six or so other reviews I volunteered for so I could have another easy under-7.00 review to go along with Saw 3D and Tiny Furniture. However, the grind of almost a review a day started to get to me, so I decided to change it up.
What follows is a real time list of my thoughts and observations as I watched this movie, complete with timestamps for the boys and girls at home. The (bold, parenthesized) bits occurred after the fact, to help clarify for both you and me. After the list will be a brief summary of my thoughts. Also, there will be minor spoilers, so watch out.{{page_break}}
0:00:38 – Sure is windy, post-apocalypse.
0:01:52 – What’s that cat doing there?
0:02:40 – Oh. That’s what.
0:03:38 – The other white meat?
0:04:14 – Everything seems green-tinted(don’t worry, it doesn’t stay that way).
0:05:28 – Nice highway.
0:05:50 – Well, that was rude.
0:07:50 – It’s just like Fallout! Loot him!
0:08:30 – Yeah, cat’s the other white meat.
0:09:38 – Apple sure builds their products to last. I have to pee.
0:10:12 – KFC: we do the post-apocalypse right.
0:10:58 – The titualar Book cometh!
0:13:15 – Haha, stupid smelly savages.
0:11:42 – Snicker-snack!
0:15:18 – Ninja Denzel is best Denzel.
0:18:27 – Stone cold.
0:18:40 – There are some pretty awesome visuals in this film.
0:19:00 – The Busch truck exacerbated my need to pee. I pause the movie.
0:19:45 – C’mon, Eli!
0:20:10 – That’s some cold shit.
0:20:30 – This movie’s score is great.
0:20:40 – Civilization at last!
0:22:00 – Denzel is a badass.
0:23:16 – What in God’s name would you do withcat oil? Also, this guy (The Engineer) looks mighty familiar…
0:24:39 – Oh, Gary Oldman…
0:25:42 – Biker guy looks familiar too (turns out he’s Cheddar Bob fro 8 Mile, yessssss!).
0:27:16 – I wish Gary Oldman would wash my hair.
0:28:00 – I really love this score.
0:29:22 – Mmm, delicious, slightly grungy Mila Kunis.
0:30:38 – Y’know, movieprotagonists never want any trouble.
0:32:30 – Decapitations, decapitations everywhere.
0:35:55 – I like Oldman’s #2 a lot(it’s Ray Stevenson of The Punisher).
0:37:40 – Third time’s the charm: that pretty blind lady looks familiar too (it’s Jennifer Beals of Flashdance fame, schwing)!
0:39:50 – Holy nightgown, Batman!
0:41:00 – Jeez, Eli has the willpower of a god.
0:41:50 – Finally, some backstory!
0:45:29 – This town is straight out of Fallout.
0:47:30 – I love Gary Oldman’s villains.
0:48:10 – Oh, Mila, you silly girl…
0:49:03 – WOAH.
0:52:30 – Yay, gun fight!
0:54:20 – “On the road again…”
0:57:10 – Gary Oldman really gets how religion works.
0:58:30 – Ray Stevenson has excellent taste in women.
1:00:00 – Cart lady! This won’t end well for Mila.
1:01:26 – Nice aim.
1:07:45 – Alright, more backstory!
1:11:05 – Hm. Eli worked at K-Mart. That means K-Mart was around up until The End. That's good news for K-Mart.
1:12:11 – These set pieces are really great.
1:12:45 – Nice Johnny Cash reference.
1:14:09 – Trap door!
1:15:20 – Disco, like cockroaches, will survive the apocalypse.
1:17:30 – Gramps is packin’ heat!
1:19:15 – Well, a rocket launcher seems a smidgeon excessive…
1:19:50 – Not as excessive as that, however.
1:23:50 – Aw.
1:26:40 – It really is an impressive knife.
1:27:20 – Atta girl!
1:28:40 – Bad end for Ray Stevenson. That just goes to show you: don’t leave sharp objects on the dashboard.
1:29:31 – I wonder where they get their fuel from.
1:30:45 – Eli is damned persistent, I’ll give him that.
1:33:19 – Greenery!
1:34:58 – Cue the Full House theme.
1:35:52 – Yeah, the book will definitely be safe there.
1:37:43 – Malcolm McDowell out of flipping nowhere! Dig that hair.
1:39:52 – And here’s the tweest.
1:42:31 – Oh, snap!
1:43:38 – Jennifer Beals makes a surprisingly good badass.
1:45:26 – Eli cleans up nice.
1:47:18 – Mila Kunis makes an equally good badass.
1:48:43 – Bravo, Book of Eli, bravo.
1:50:00 – I KNEW HE LOOKED FAMILIAR! THE ENGINEER IS TOM WAITS!
I liked Book of Eli a lot more than I thought I would. I’m a sucker for almost anything post-apocalyptic (save for maybe Waterworld, the jury’s still out), and Book of Eli seemed to nail the desolate, grungy, hopeless world that comes after. Even though I knew what the twist was, it didn't ruin the movie for me by any means. Instead, I was able to see the evidence of it throughout the movie, and the big reveal was actually pretty good. The set pieces brought to mind both Fallout and Enslaved, another post-apocalyptic romp through destroyed landmarks. The music was also aces, a moody score by Atticus Ross (The Social Network) that stood out to me as the best part of the film. The eclectic cast fulfilled their roles, even if at times it felt paint-by-numbers. All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this film, and it’s a fun way to kill two hours if you like watching nearly-invincible guys kick ass, decapitate a bunch of dudes, and shoot a bunch more dudes. Also, Jennifer Beals gets her hair washed, if you’re into that…
Overall Score: 7.45 – Good. (7s are good, but not great. These films often have a stereotypical plot or are great movies that have a few minor flaws. Fans of this movie’s genre might love it, but others will still enjoy seeing it in theaters.)
Ever wonder if they could capture the desolate, hopeless look and feel of Fallout in a movie? Well, Book of Eli gets a good part of the way there. Not a bad way to spend an evening. The music, fight scenes, and set pieces all stand out and help keep this film from getting lost in the jumble of post-apocalyptic films of the last decade.
Glenn Morris: 4.80 – Terrible. The not-to-be-spoiled twist practically begs the viewer to re-watch The Book of Eli for hints, but who would want to? It’s exhausting the first time around. I pray this movie be cleansed by atomic fire.
