By This is the kind of promotion I’ve been waiting for. When I started Snaxist with Max Roahrig (RIP) some years ago with Denny’s ill advised Hobbit Breakfast Menu, it was the fact that’d I’d be able to talk about cereal someday on the off chance that a movie would sell a cheap cereal with their image on the box. It used to be all the rage when I was kid (and even before that with Urkel O’s, Nintendo Entertainment System Cereal, and Bart Simpson cereal), and I’m always sad kids don’t get that today.
But Kellogg’s has changed the game with Avengers: Age of Ultron‘s cereal dubbed “Avengers: Age of Ultron Sweetened Cereal with Marshmallows Hero Edition.” It’s basically as disappointing as the title suggests.
[Snaxist is all about the movie endorsed food. We’ll stuff our faces, destroy our bodies, point out why or why not eating endorsed foods is a good idea, and write about it all for your entertainment!]
A little bit of background. I’m a cereal connoisseur, and I’ve spent the greater part of my life eating all sorts of sugary, life threatening cereals. From the ill-fated Oreo O’s, King Vitamin, and Rice Krispy Treats, to the always welcome Waffle Crisp (RIP). Basically, I’ve worked for years on fine tuning my palette so I’d like to think I know a bad cereal when I eat one. But that doesn’t mean I don’t dig in on Malt-o-Meal every now and then. Oh, boy I better stop beating around the bush then and get right to it. This cereal isn’t terrible, nor is it fantastic. It’s aggressively average. That’s the saddest cereal could ever be.
If the name didn’t inspire any confidence, neither did the cereal’s box itself. The front was clearly just bad photoshop, and the back had a neat little decryption puzzle, but nothing about this was screamed effort. The cereal itself is basically a generic Lucky Charms. But where Lucky Charms makes an effort to at least mold the little marshmallow pieces into distinct shapes, this cereal does the opposite. The marshmallows are all circular: one green, one blue and red, and one red. As you can see in the image below, the rest of the cereal is like if Alpha Bits only came in squares. Are Alpha Bits still a thing? I miss Alpha Bits. The amount in the box was enough for four bowls (but only three man sized ones), and I only paid three dollars so it was pretty much what it was worth.
As for the milk, I have some lactose issues sometimes so I always drink vanilla almond milk. It’s fantastic stuff. I’d highly recommend almond milk over this cereal. I don’t mean over as in on the cereal, but like instead. Do you get what I mean? I like milk. Anyway, where does the milk come out of? Is it just a name or is there a guy whose job it is to milk almonds? Or is it like a crushed almond juice or something? Would that be just a general paste then? That’s why I only drink the flavored ones. The chocolate one is the worst, however.
Anyway, don’t eat this damn cereal if you don’t need to. But do drink milk. Heard it does a body good.