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Some Like It Hot shines a light on the men and women of film who have captured our hearts, and oftentimes, our libidos. It celebrates the cinematic sirens and strongmen of the silver screen that give us the vapors, tug on our heartstrings, and leave us hungry for more. Also, they’re really effing hot.
The Scream franchise is, at least on paper, a brilliant satire of the slasher genre, and one of the cornerstones of said genre is well-endowed young women who may as well have “stab here” branded on them. As such, each movie is loaded to bear with hot babes from series mainstays Neve Campbell and Courteney Cox to dearly departed victims like Drew Barrymore, Rose McGowan, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jenny McCarthy. However, none of the previous films can compare to the bevy of babes lined up in Scream 4. Overloaded with all the supple young flesh barely contained in the film, I asked my fellow writers to pitch in to help alleviate the physical stress of this job. Hit the jump to see what they had to say about the new blood.
Neve Campbell: Neve Campbell is an artifact of the 90’s, a sexy relic of a time gone by. She is foxy in that 90’s way, much like Keri Russel or Katie Holmes, possessing that ineffable quality that kept you tuning into her week after week on Party of Five. Once she stepped into the shoes of Sidney Prescott, the vulnerable-but-resilient young woman who refused to die, I knew I was hooked. Add to that her performance in Wild Things and you have one of my top five favorite 90’s babes of all time. Sadly, after Scream 3 she languished in relative obscurity, but hopefully Scream 4 will show the world that Neve Campbell is still here and still hot. – Sean
Emma Roberts: Let me start this off by saying something: Emma Roberts is a bit too young for my blood. Yet, at 19 years old, she’s making waves across Hollywood. Granted, her films haven’t been anything groundbreaking thus far, but her potential is there. With Scream 4 adding so many young actresses of varying degrees of success and talent, I see the casting as a passing of the torch to some great up-and-coming Hollywood starlets. Emma definitely inherited more than her aunt’s award-winning smile. – Geoff
Hayden Panettiere: Hayden Panettiere is just my type. The glowing blonde hair, the dark, thin at the tip eyebrows, and that perfect smile really work. Others on my Most Beautiful list include Grace Kelly and Charlize Theron, so it should come as no surprise that Ms. P should make my list as well. I have to be honest, I haven’t seen many of her movies, but its not necessary that she is a good actress and beautiful (just yet). I can’t see her not playing a cheerleader, but when she does, she better play a sexy school teacher. – Sam
Alison Brie: The first decade of the 21st century has seen the rise of atheism, and the appearance on our screens of Alison Brie. Coincidence? I think not. Clearly God took one look at the delicious Miss Brie and thought: “My work here is done.” Through her characters and in interviews, she comes across as everything you could ever want from a woman: talented, funny, flirty and silly, one part girl next door and one part sex bomb. There’d also be the prestige of going out with the girl who’s in two of television’s finest shows right now, Mad Men and Community. While Gillian Jacobs’ Britta puts up a brave fight for our hearts in the latter, it’s Brie’s Li’l Annie Adderal who inspires reverent YouTube raps. Let’s hope that Scream 4 is the start of a long career gracing the silver screen, but hopefully one where she won’t get murdered too often – who wants to see their dream girl get slaughtered? A ripping of the clothes and spanking will do just fine. – Xander
Anna Paquin: Sook-eh.
Doesn’t it catch in your ear like a chicken bone?
The trouble is, I don’t find this current, popular facade of Anna Paquin’s very appealing. I much prefer the brunette, the original. But she looks awfully fine in those small dresses and shorts, and I’m an avid watcher none the less. (Team Eric.) The Kiwi actress is experiencing probably the most lucrative time in her career to date as the star of HBO’s True Blood–and that’s taking into account her 1993 Oscar win for The Piano. But we’ll discuss her as a child actress another time.
Sorry.
Ms. Paquin led the charge to deflower William Miller in Almost Famous. She ignited and ignored Jesse Eisenberg’s teenage stirrings in Noah Baumbach’s The Squid and the Whale–but was all too willing for his dad. And my, if her touch didn’t just knock you over as Rogue in X-Men. She’s had a record of spunky resistance and provocative characters, and there’s an intelligent mix of sex, fun, and blood in True Blood that requires a hearty spirit from its actors. Paquin is both well-trained and well-stacked in her Merlotte’s uniform. She may only have a cameo in Scream 4, but looking at Paquin’s credits, her bleach-soaked commitment to Sookie, and her obvious candidacy for Some Like it Hot-tie make perfect sense. – Siobhan
Kristen Bell: I feel a little hypocritical here because back when we all chose who to have under our Christmas tree I went with Christina Hendricks, who is a voluptuous, curvy red head. Then the second Sean came to the staff to choose people for this Scream 4 SLIH I waved my hands frantically for Kristen Bell, who very well might be the antithesis of Hendricks. But dear lord is she hot. Hendricks is gorgeous, but Kristen Bell is just drop dead hot. Whatever her look is, that’s the look I like. But it isn’t just the fact that she’s really, really, really, really hot. Anyone who watched Veronica Mars (and that should be everyone) knows she can be quick witted and clever too. Plus, she has the ability to deliver a one liner like no ones business. Attitude like that is hard to come by in a woman and she wields it brilliantly. Add to this that she seems like a total nerd underneath it all and you have a woman who is not only ridiculously hot, but actually cool to hang out with. Nothing hotter than a hot nerd. Nothing, I tell you!
Having already seen Scream 4 I can tell you she has one of the best roles in the film. So good you want a movie to be made about her character… or at least I did. Of course she could have simply been corpse number 5 and I’d have wanted a movie made about her just to get her on screen more. She’s really hot. – Matt
Courteney Cox: On a site full of amorous young men, not a single one wanted to talk about Courteney Cox. In light of this, I agreed to say some words about her. Courteney Cox has a mostly symmetrical face and brown hair. She has two breasts of average size. She will turn 47 this year, but scientific advances make this less obvious. Her first name has an unnecessary “e” in it. She has acted in various TV shows and movies. She is in a show called Cougar Town where she does not wear many clothes. She will probably die in Scream 4 because the other actresses are younger than her. The end. – Jenika