[Some Like It Hot shines a light on the men and women of film who have captured our hearts, and oftentimes, our libidos. It celebrates the cinematic sirens and strongmen of the silver screen that give us the vapors, tug on our heartstrings, and leave us hungry for more. Also, they’re really effing hot.]
It’s Halloween! Tonight, the streets will nearly buckle under the scantly-clad girls dressed as (sexy) nurses, (sexy) Strawberry Shortcakes, (sexy) ballerinas, (sexy) Disney borderline copyright infringement princesses, and countless other (sexy) characters and occupations. What better time of the year is there to celebrate the sexy ladies of slasher cinema? Spoiler alert: there isn’t.
As such, I’ve enlisted a handful of my fellow editors to join me in celebrating the beautiful babes of the slasher genre, be they the blood-stained, tough-as-nails survivors or the slutty sorority girls who found themselves the sharp end of a butcher knife. These girls have gone up against some of the most enduring horror icons in cinema, and along the way they’ve touched our hearts and our loins, so without further adieu, I give you the Some Like It Hot Scream Queens!
Danielle Harris (Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Urban Legend, Halloween, Halloween II, Hatchet II, Stake Land, Night of the Living Dead: Origins 3D)
Now, I’m not going to say that Danielle Harris deserves to be on this list more than any of the other beautiful, talented women here, but if I were to say that it wouldn’t be unwarranted. Ms. Harris has been in both of the Halloween continuities (the protagonist of Halloweens 4 and 5 and the best friend in both of Rob Zombie’s remakes), had a brief but memorable appearance in Urban Legend, took over the character of Marybeth in Hatchet II, starred as the adorable, pregnant Belle in Stake Land, and next year she’ll be stepping into the role of Barbara in Night of the Living Dead: Origins 3D! At a jaw-dropping 34 years old, Harris still looks like she could be a teenager, which is perfect for horror films. She has a great range acting-wise, is stupid fine, and there’s few I’d rather see covered in blood. – Sean Walsh
Paris Hilton (Nine Lives, House of Wax, Repo! The Genetic Opera)
Halloween is a time of frightening monsters, and nothing is more frightening than Paris Hilton. Have you seen The Blob, The Thing, or The Fly? Little known fact: she played the titular character in all of those movies. It saved them a ton on their effects budget. It would have cost a fortune to buy masks for those monsters. Luckily, Ms. Hilton is easily found in dark caves, feeding on the blood of innocents, and luring her onto a movie set is an easy way to get a monster in your movie. Naw, I’m just kidding about all that. She totally volunteered to be in those movies. I mean, she played someone addicted to plastic surgery in Repo!, and that clearly means she has a sense of humor about her hideous face. – Jenika Katz
Danielle Panabaker (Mr. Brooks, Friday the 13th, The Crazies, The Ward, Piranha 3DD)
I’ve spent the past year or so procrastinating about writing about the lovely Danielle Panabaker, but no longer I say! I fell in love with her when she played the girl next door in the awesomely corny Sky High and it was cemented by her turn as Kevin Costner’s daughter in Mr. Brooks. Then she decided to get chased around by Jason Voorhees and crazy people in the reboot of Friday the 13th and remake of The Crazies respectively. Then, she decided to star in period horror film The Ward by horror legend John Carpenter. It was a little predictable but she was super hot as the snobby, catty Sarah. Not only is she one of my favorite ladies to pop up in movies, but she was fantastic in the TV show Shark as James Woods’ daughter. Needless to say, I am pretty hot for her. The fact that she’s going to be in Piranha 3DD later this year may finally help me achieve nirvana. – Sean Walsh
Anna Falchi (Cemetery Man)
I’ve only seen Anna Falchi in Cemetery Man (Dellamorte Dellamore), which was my favorite movie when I was 15 or 16. Like the film’s hero, I can’t keep her out of my head. Falchi is built like 1940s pin-up girls and the women in Tex Avery cartoons: the Platonic form of the hourglass, curves that cause your lower jaw to unhinge and drop to the ground, all vavavoom and hubba hubba and a-woooooga. Like marble in the moonlight, she’s aglow in that classically sexy European look like Brigitte Bardot in her prime. She plays three characters in Cemetery Man, each with this whisper of a voice. She speaks the way you speak late at night so you don’t wake up the neighbors downstairs. She still speaks to that teenage part of my brain that hasn’t matured since seeing her that one time; that buried section of the grey matter that gives me that teenage feeling when I fall hard and suddenly for someone out of my league. – Hubert Vigilla
Jennifer Love Hewitt (I Know What You Did Last Summer, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer)
She may not have been in as many horror films as most of the other girls on this list, but Jennifer Love Hewitt earned her horror stripes for sure. We all remember her screaming “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?” in I Know What You Did Last Summer, one of the pivotal 90’s teen slashers. Then she did it all over again in the sequel. And they didn’t refer to her as Jennifer Love Hugetits in Scary Movie in error, JLH is stacked like woah. She’s one of those no-nudity actresses, but she’s shown enough skin over the years for us to be able to fill in the blanks. Also, Ghost Whisperer is okay, I guess. She hasn’t gotten less hot with age, that’s for sure. – Sean Walsh
Jamie Chung (Sorority Row)
Starting her career on reality shows The Real World: San Diego and Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Jamie Chung has transcended the curse of the reality star and has moved up in the world by playing the hot asian broad in such blockbusters as The Hangover Part II, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and Grown Ups. In 2009, Jamie Chung was in a cookie cutter slasher Sorority Row, a film I once watched in passing and proceeded to change the channel once she died (I’d put in a spoiler alert disclaimer, but who cares?). Though this is the one and only horror film she’s been in, it was enough to merit yet another opportunity to write about how hot she is. She was also in Dragonball Evolution and Sucker Punch. I fell asleep during both of those movies, but I’ve seen enough of them to assure you that she is hot (and terrible in picking roles) – Andres Bolivar
Sarah Michelle Gellar (I Know What You Did Last Summer, Scream 2, The Grudge, The Grudge 2, The Return, Possession)
All the hacked-up beauty queens, slashed-up sorority girls, and tortured caregivers she’s played can never match up to Sarah Michelle Gellar’s tenure as Buffy, who happens to slay vampires. If I need to tell you why she’s hot, you’re doing it wrong. – Sean Walsh
Janet Leigh (Psycho)
This list probably wouldn’t exist without Janet Leigh. Her iconic and historic scene in Psycho is possibly the reason there is any screaming in movies at all. I know what you’re thinking. There was plenty of screaming in movies before this, but not like this. Not from a naked showering woman being stabbed to death. Not so in your face and, well, screamy. Leigh’s scream defined what we expect out of women getting attacked by psychopaths and its equal probably hasn’t been see yet. Her scream is so impressive that despite dying earlier in the film she’s still the most remembered aspect. Even if she is helped by the brilliance of Hitchcock’s shower scene it’s still an impressive feat. – Matt Razak
Sheri Moon Zombie (House of 1000 Corpses, Toolbox Murders, The Devil’s Rejects, Werewolf Women of the SS, Halloween, Halloween II, The Lords of Salem)
Anyone who can stay married to Rob Zombie deserves an award…for being awesome. Being able to pull of weirdly, skankily hot as well as look utterly angelic is a gift of Sheri Moon Zombie’s. She’s a girl you almost wouldn’t mind being horribly murdered by. Starring largely in her husband’s productions, she’s played the deranged Baby in House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects, the mother of evil incarnate in his take on Halloween, and a Nazi werewolf woman in his fake trailer Werewolf Women of the S.S. She’ll next be appearing in his new film The Lords of Salem, and there’s a pretty good chance she’ll get nekkid in that. Huzzah! – Sean Walsh
Margo Harshman (Simon Says, Rise: Blood Hunter, From Within, Sorority Row, Mentryville)
If you’re like me, you remember the Disney Channel show, Even Stevens, back when Shia LeBeouf wasn’t a total badass. If so, you’ll remember his on-screen best friend, Tawny, played by the lovely Margo Harshman. Catching a few roles here and there, yet not making as big of a splash as she deserves, Margo still gains the recognition of being one of the coolest and prettiest Disney Channel actresses. Margo, I hope you land some amazing roles, because you deserve it. I want to be your best friend. – Geoff Henao
Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator, Chopping Mall, Puppet Master, You’re Next, The Lords of Salem)
YESSS MEG. MORE PAAAASSSSIOOON. – Alex Katz
Jennifer Carpenter (The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Quarantine)
Jennifer Carpenter’s solidly scary performance in The Exorcism of Emily Rose is often credited as carrying the rest of that movie. She even won a “Best Frightened Performance” award at the MTV Movie Awards in 2006 for her demonic bodily contortions. Since then, she’s been a regular cast member on famed serial killer TV drama Dexter, and starred in 2008’s Quarantine. Some may consider her more of an “unconventional cutie,” but I think she’s very pretty! Plus, lookit those abs! Dayum girl! – Liz Rugg
