So Ben Affleck is going to play Batman in a few years (in a Superman movie no less) and a lot of folks are angry about that for some reason. Despite his Academy Award win and not being terrible for the last ten or so years, some people just can’t get over it, “He was Daredevil! He was Gigli! He was Matt Damon!” You do realize this could have been worse, don’t you? In fact, we should consider ourselves lucky that Ben Affleck was even considered for the job.
To prove Ben Affleck is the best Batman for the job, here are ten possible Batman actors that would have been far worse.
10. Tony Mendez
While Tony Mendez may have been the brave soul who rescued a few U.S. diplomats from Iran during the hostage crisis of the 1970s (as recently portrayed by Affleck in the award winning Argo), Mendez is far too grizzled to be a good Batman. A good Batman actor needs to be a believable level of badass, and Mendez is so badass, it’ll seem too fantastical for the general public.
9. Bartleby
Bartleby may be the third most badass fellow on this list (after Tony and the #2 pick), but could you imagine working with the guy? First consider the logistics. You’d have to raise him from the dead, deal with all of his issues (like questioning his own nature and humanity’s worth), and even if you managed to get him in one place, I can’t imagine him wanting to don the cowl. Oh and the murders. You’re better off dealing with Christian Bale and his explosions.
8. Ollie Trinke
While Ollie Trinke has proven himself to be a good father, I’m not really sure he can act. And if he could act, would he want to waste his time playing Batman when he’s got a family to worry about? I’m sure if he were approached for the role he’d probably recommend that the part was more suited for his actor friend, Will Smith. Wait, just get Will Smith to play Batman! Could you imagine a Will Smith Batman? The Fresh Prince of Gotham would be so sweet.
7. Basketball Player #10
This kid has got his own issues to worry about.
6. This picture of Batman I drew
I may be extremely confident in my artistic capabilities, but even I think a drawing of Batman playing the role of Batman is a bad idea. I mean, look at that smile! BATMAN DOESN’T SMILE. EVER.
5. This incomplete LEGO Batman
The inanimate object might have made a good Batman if it just managed to be dressed for the part. It’s my fault. I lost the cowl somewhere and I really haven’t bothered to look for it. Oh well. Maybe next reboot.
4. This shoe
This shoe has no ties to the Batman-verse or acting schools, but it is wearing black. That’s like half the requirements to be Batman, right? Henry Cavill could have been talking to this shoe if it weren’t for Affleck.
3. Bennifer (Garner version)
If you could separate the two long enough, you’d could have two potentially great Batmen. But as they are now, the Bennifer gelatin hybrid, the best they could amount to is maybe like half a Robin.
2. Me
It’s time I come clean with something. You see, a while back, I auditioned for the role of Batman. I’ve lost a lot of weight recently and was feeling super confident in myself. But when I arrived at the audition, I was escorted out by security. Turns out I was such a good Batman I couldn’t feasibly act as Batman. I would’ve been so believable, I would’ve have scared the general public. So there you go. You all know my private Batman shame.
1. Bennifer (JLO version)
As bad of Batman as I would have been (because I was keepin’ it too real), there is another. It was another form of Bennifer before it evolved into Bennifer: Garner. JLO and Ben Affleck were inseparable. They appeared in movies together (Two! Two whole movies!), music videos (when Jenny was still from the block and not various dance clubs), and one time I think they did something else. Point is, Jennifer Lopez would’ve been a bad Batman. Wait, what were even talking about?
You see folks? Stop complaining about Ben Affleck playing a role of a superhero two years from now. It’s not worth our time. Think positively. I mean, it could’ve been worse.
[Thanks to Jordan Mann for the amazing header! ]
