By Each year, awards are given out for a variety of worthy categories, like Best Director or Best Supporting Actress. We at Flixist agree that greatness must be recognized, and as such we have put up a plethora of awards posts to celebrate. And yes, El Guapo, I know what a plethora is. But in true Flixist fashion, we take the extra step, and proudly bring you The Flixist Beard Awards. There is nothing more fantastic than a truly awesome beard or ‘stache, so we thought, “Hey, lets celebrate this too.” Join us after the jump, where we recognize some truly inspiring (and a few tragic) man-beards.
Each year, awards are given out for a variety of worthy categories, like Best Director or Best Supporting Actress. We at Flixist agree that greatness must be recognized, and as such we have put up a plethora of awards posts to celebrate. And yes, El Guapo, I know what a plethora is. But in true Flixist fashion, we take the extra step, and proudly bring you The Flixist Beard Awards. There is nothing more fantastic than a truly awesome beard or 'stache, so we thought, "Hey, lets celebrate this too." Join us after the jump, where we recognize some truly inspiring (and a few tragic) man-beards.{{page_break}}
Best Unkempt Beard: Tom Hanks in Castaway
Tom Hanks. Tom. Hanks. Seriously, he is awesome. There may be no actor that defines American cinema since the 1980’s better than this powerhouse. His roles are as unique as the genres they lie in, from powerful dramas like Philadelphia to cameos in animated comedies (The Simpsons Movie). His boy-trapped-in-a-man’s-body in Big was nothing short of brilliant, but his greatest physical transformation was in Castaway, where he put on a tremendous amount of weight, lost it, and grew out his now award-winning beard. Congratulations Mister Hanks, even your facial hair is worthy of an Oscar.
Runner Up: Joaquin Phoenix in I’m Still Here
Best Animated Beard: King Triton in The Little Mermaid
King Triton is impressive in stature and commands respect throughout the seas. Much of his powerful presence stems from his flowing white beard, which is at once grandfatherly and god-like. King Triton narrowly beats out Aladdin’s Jafar, whose black-as-his-heart goatee is the perfect oily facial hair for one of Disney’s greatest villains. Triton, however, demands attention as the patriarch of the seas, and his beard is not as much an addition to his face as it is a symbol of his unflinching power over the dominion in which he resides.
Runner Up: Jafar in Aladdin
Best Beard in a supporting Role: Co-winners: Luke Wilson in The Royal Tenenbaums and Bruce Willis in What Just Happened
It was tough to pick a winner in this category, because it would mean someone had to be runner-up. So we have decided to split this award in half (fitting, if you have seen these movies). Luke Wilson sports a beard for much of Tenenbaums, before shaving it off in a wrenching suicide attempt scored by Elliot Smith’s “Needle in the Hay.” The apparent suicide of Smith himself adds to the emotional gravitas of the scene, a fact clearly not lost on Wes Anderson. On the other end of the spectrum is Willis’s tongue-in-cheek cameo aside Robert De Niro in What Just Happened, a look into the world of film production. Willis refuses to shave off his beard for a role, and locks himself in his trailer while he fights with producers. The cast and crew sit anxiously as Willis is coaxed to come out, and when he finally emerges, exactly half his face is cleanly shaved. Willis hasn’t compromised his hairmask, but he has given the royal finger to the film studio. “Shoot my profile, bitches.”
Most Impressive Beard: Sir Ian McKellan in LOTR
One of the most iconic beards in recent film history is the lengthy white beard favored by Sir Ian McKellan as Gandalf the Grey/White in Lord of the Rings. Gandalf’s tremendous, flowing beard serves as a reminder of his age and represents his status within the film as a kindly grandfather figure to the traveling hobbits. You would be hard pressed to find a more impressive beard on film, and there are few actors that appear as distinguished as McKellan. Taking away Gandalf’s beard would be like putting extensions on Ivan Drago.
Runner Up: Pai Mei in Kill Bill: Volume II
Best Stubble: Clint Eastwood in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Clint Eastwood is the most iconic Westerns actor since John Wayne, and his perpetual stubble is no accident. Playing a drifter in search of gold in TGTBaTU, Eastwood pairs the cool of McQueen with the toughness of Bogart to form a soft-spoken rogue uniquely suited to handle the American West. “Blondie,” as he is affectionately called, spends much of his time in the brutal elements of America’s frontier, and the last thing on his mind is looking presentable. If he isn’t busy saving outlaws for money, he is chewing his ever-present cigar stub, and he rarely spends time cleaning up his chiseled mug. Manscaping? I wouldn’t mention that around this gunslinger; you’re liable to be left hanging.
Runner Up: Humphrey Bogart in Treasure of the Sierra Madre
Best Mustache: Daniel Plainview in There Will Be Blood
DDL narrowly beats out our runner-up for Best ‘Stache because he is a damn fine actor and his character had much more depth. Daniel Plainview is a twisted bi-product of the Frontier American Dream, a man so possessed with making his own way he can’t be bothered to clean up the mess he leaves behind. If you aren’t for him, you’re against him, and we all saw how that turns out. Plainview took no prisoners, and proved that you can climb to the top (as long as it’s on the backs of others).
Runner Up: Sam Elliot as The Stranger in The Big Lebowski
The Justin Bie-Beard Award: (Worst facial hair or beard) John Travolta in The Taking of Pelham 123
There are a lot of awful beards on film, but none so utterly ineffective and silly as John Travolta’s facial travesty in The Taking of Pelham 123. Although technically not a beard, this mess was too awful to let slide. A beard connotes many things, like strength, masculinity, virility, and ruggedness. This embarrassment conveys laziness, apathy, and grease. Seriously, what’s wrong with you? It looks like you found that mess behind a barbershop.
Runner Up: Samuel L. Jackson in Jackie Brown
Lifetime Beard Achievement Award: Toshiro Mifune
If you haven’t acquainted yourself with Toshiro Mifune, I’ll wait. Done? Good. Toshiro Mifune is a mainstay in many classic Akira Kurosawa films, playing the often flawed, occasionally comic, mostly tragic hero. He appears in samurai epics, Shakespeare adaptations, and even contemporary stories of greed, ambition, adventure, and, frequently, death. Although his characters come from every walk of life, they are almost always bearded. Mifune even plays the lead in a film called Red Beard. There may be no actor as associated with his facial hair as Mifune, earning him our Lifetime Beard Achievement Award.