By Happy New Year’s Eve, folks.
It’s the last day of 2010 and Moviefone was nice enough to provide the internet at large a list of the ten worst-grossing movies of 2010! They’re only counting the wide releases (over 1000 theaters), so you Lundgren fans don’t need to ask why The Killing Machine didn’t rank.
One of the most distressing things about this list is that I’ve seen eight out of these ten movies. More distressing than that is that I liked most of them. Check out the list, and my commentary on each, after the jump. Also, there’ll probably be spoilers, so watch out.
Happy New Year's Eve, folks.
It’s the last day of 2010 and Moviefone was nice enough to provide the internet at large a list of the ten worst-grossing movies of 2010! They’re only counting the wide releases (over 1000 theaters), so you Lundgren fans don’t need to ask why The Killing Machine didn’t rank.
One of the most distressing things about this list is that I’ve seen eight out of these ten movies. More distressing than that is that I liked most of them. Check out the list, and my commentary on each, after the jump. Also, there’ll probably be spoilers, so watch out.{{page_break}}
10. Splice
Gross: $17 million
Widest release: 2,450 theaters
Did I see it? Yes.
My thoughts on the matter: Hipster scientists make a humanoid creatures that sexes everyone up (whether they like it or not). The effects were cool, the creature was strangely attractive, and while seeing Adrian Brody have sex with his surrogate genetically engineered daughter allowed me to cross off another entry on my bucket list, most people don’t want to see…that. I don’t regret spending the money on this film, but I could see why many did.
9. Youth in Revolt
Gross: $15.3 million
Widest release: 1,873 theaters
Did I see it? Yes.
My thoughts on the matter: Worth it just for Michael Cera’s mustache. Are people beginning to get worn out on seeing Michael Cera play an awkward teen? Maybe, but at least we got to see him play a badass French guy at the same time.
8. My Soul to Take
Gross: $14.7 million
Widest release: 2,572 theaters
Did I see it? Yes.
My thoughts on the matter: The 3D was wholly unnecessary, but it was a pretty solid slasher for the next generation until it unraveled during the climax. At least there’s Scream 4 to look forward to in April.
7. Repo Men
Gross: $13.8 million
Widest release: 2,521 theaters
Did I see it? No.
My thoughts on the matter: I didn’t see Repo Men. It looked cool, but if I had to venture a guess, people just weren’t ready for Forest Whitaker being that damn skinny. Also, Repo: The Genetic Opera did the whole ‘buy-rent-lease organs’ thing a few years beforehand, albeit with at least 90% more awful musical numbers.
6. Case 39
Gross: $13.3 million
Widest release: 2,212 theaters
Did I see it? Yes.
My thoughts on the matter: If you’re not going to release a movie on time, you can’t expect its stars to drop everything to promote it. Case 39 was like The Omen for today’s generation, but less, y’know, classic.
5. Let Me In
Gross: $12.1 million
Widest release: 2,042 theaters
Did I see it? Yes.
My thoughts on the matter: Having worked at Blockbuster, I know that lots of people hate having to read subtitles. That explains why people didn’t go to see Let Me In based on the Let the Right One In,but everybody loves vampires! Why did Vampires Suck do better than this moody, atmospheric adaptation? My money’s on lack of shirtless shape-shifters with an affinity for wolves. Bonus fun fact: it stars Elias Koteas, better known as Casey Jones from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as the policeman investigating the bizarre murders.
4. Extraordinary Measures
Gross: $12.1 million
Widest release: 2,549 theaters
Did I see it? No.
My thoughts on the matter: Let me quote Sidekick Pat on this one: “Brenden Frasier is still making movies?” A depressing ‘based on a true story’ story about terminally ill kids just doesn’t scream “Date night!” like it used to.
3. Jonah Hex
Gross: $10.6 million
Widest release: 2,825 theaters
Did I see it? Yes.
My thoughts on the matter: I liked Jonah Hex a lot. Josh Brolin was great as the scarred, damaged cowboy. John Malkovich was pretty good as the nefarious bad guy. Will Arnett was in it! You know what ruined this movie for me, and undoubtedly countless others? Megan Fox and those damnable thumbs. Ms. Fox played against type in this film as a sex object and yet it still flopped.
2. MacGruber
Gross: $8.5 million
Widest release: 2,551 theaters
Did I see it? Yes.
My thoughts on the matter: I saw this movie twice theatrically. It took a minute-long sketch and stretched it to an hour and a half and I found it hilarious. I think Saturday Night Live is better than it’s been in a long time, but I’m clearly in a minority on that.
1. The Warrior's Way
Gross: $5.6 million
Widest release: 1,622 theaters
Did I see it? Yes.
My thoughts on the matter: My review says everything I could possibly say about this movie, except for shame on the lot of you for not seeing it. It’s cowboys versus ninjas for Pete’s sake. What’s not to love? At least you all can make up for it when Cowboys & Aliens comes out next year.
What can we learn from these ten films? Let’s see…
- Splice:Don’t have sex with your genetically-engineered daughter if you want to sell tickets
- Youth in Revolt:It’s time for Michael Cera to break out of his niche
- My Soul to Take:Stop making movies that don’t need 3D in 3D
- Repo Men: We like our Forest Whitakers husky, damn it
- Case 39: Renée Zellweger is too cute for scary movies
- Let Me In:Twilight has ruined vampire movies for everyone over the age of seventeen
- Extraordinary Measures: In these depressing times, people don’t want to go see depressing movies (we have Lifetime for that)
- Jonah Hex:Jonah Hex is a pretty obscure comic book character, and tossing Megan Fox into the mix does more harm than good
- MacGruber: “Thirty seconds, MacGruber!” is sadly not the t-shirt selling catchphrase of 2010
- The Warrior’s Way: Nobody loves cowboys versus ninjas as much as Sean Walsh. In fact, people love dying children more than twice as much as cowboys versus ninjas.
Well, I look forward to next year’s movies and aiming to see all ten worst-grossing films. What did you think of these movies? What early predictions do you have for next year’s top ten? Leave a comment below! Who knows, maybe there’ll be a prize for anybody who nails it come next December.
[Via Moviefone]