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Tommy Wiseau teases Big Shark as his next directing effort

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More like Big Shart, lol

Tommy Wiseau, director and star of the cult classic The Room is back in the driver's seat after what I would declare was much too long an absence. If only he made a few more movies before being "discovered" by bad movie hounds for his bizarre concept of human nature and interactions, he'd have a canon to be explored and appreciated. At this point, he might just be too self-aware to give us another genuine work.

That said, I am thrilled that he seems to be interested in doing more than hamming around on other people's sets and will be creating another Wiseau production for us to critique and explore, whatever the result. Yes, it's my great pleasure to tell you that Tommy Wiseau is directing and staring in the film Big Shark.

Will it have the same bizarre script, inhuman acting, and slapdash production value as The Room? It's hard to say from the bad cell phone recording of a teaser shown after a screening of The Room at Prince Charles Theatre. The audience laughs, and the camera jerks around, but the water flowing in over Wiseau and company's shoes does have that weird low-budget charm that I'd expect and hope for.

Look, it's Tommy Wiseau presumably fighting a big shark, so they have my money. I'm just glad this teaser doesn't look like it'll end up as a music video like the Scary Love one did.

The new film will feature Wiseau's friend and collaborator Greg Sestero and is about a giant shark who terrorizes New Orleans. Given the water rushing over their feet, I'd assume The Big Easy is going to flood, which will allow the shark to attack its victims with impunity.

A translation of the German website Film Futter's description of the teaser had Wiseau, Sestero, and Isaiah LaBorde as firefighters Patrick, Georgie, and Tim. Georgie gets called a jerk and slapped by a woman at a bar, so the three exit into the night, laughing it off, when water washes across their feet. A cut later, the water's up to their hips, and behind them a giant shark eats its helpless victim. The trio attempt to run away, and the shark attacks the camera. Cue title card. 

The shark is allegedly "poorly animated" (we'll see about that), and it unfortunately seems that shooting hasn't yet begun on the movie. They do plan to start shooting Big Shark this year, however, and premier it at The Prince Charles in September. That would be a hell of a turnaround, but if anyone can make a half-baked movie feel like an out-of-body experience it's Tommy Wiseau. Until then, we can let our imaginations run wild. Personally, I see a scene in which the shark eats Patrick's girlfriend, and when accused it throws up its animated flippers and shouts, "I did not! I did not!" using Wiseau's voice clip from The Room.

In a world of Sharknado's unyielding stupidity, one where even The Meg fails to produce a strong enough bite, I say give Wiseau his killer shark movie. It's a genre absolutely teeming with unwatchable garbage, and at least he can make something worth seeing.

[Teaser] ‘The Room’ Director Tommy Wiseau’s Next Film is a Shark Attack Movie Titled ‘Big Shark’! [Bloody Disgusting]

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Kyle Yadlosky
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