Trailer: Harmless

Sometimes a Kickstarter project comes along that’s just too magical to ignore. Such is the case with Harmless, a movie about a man losing his family to his addiction to pornography. Why is this magical? Well, because it’s a found footage film, and the pornography is haunted. Seriously. The movie isn’t fully funded, so the details are a little fuzzy, but it looks like the man confronts the ghosts of his past in the form of actual ghosts, and his box of porn eats his children or something like that.

This trailer brings up so many questions. Why is the pornography haunted? Why is it attacking the children when its intended audience is clearly over eighteen? Is it something lame like Playboy, or does it actually show the good parts? Why would a man in this day in age have a physical porn collection when the internet has so much more variety?

The Kickstarter page really makes me wish that I had money to burn. Sure, most donations will earn you standard fare, like a signed physical copy of the movie or a producer credit. Big bucks, however, will get you anything from having a character named after you to being able to write and direct a scene. Do you know how much I would love to do that in an anti-porn movie? That would be the best.

I think my scene would feature Little Timmy walking by an empty room, where he spies a lone magazine. Curious, he picks it up, and it begins to talk to him! In a relationship much like that of Seymour and Audrey II, Little Timmy must feed himself to the magazine in order to keep it alive. After a month or so, Little Timmy will hear a faint sound from the magazine, but the words will be too muffled to understand since the pages are all stuck together. He’ll lean in close to listen to his beloved friend, and the magazine will devour his flesh.