By After the few hiccups we’ve had lately at the Trailer Round-up (site being down, little-to-no trailers, etc), I decided to treat you guys to a special edition of the Trailer Round-up. What did I do to make this weeks Round-up all the more special? Why, I added pictures of course! Add to that with trailers featuring Santa’s inbred child, robot cock fighting, emo aliens, an Irish Rasputin and Odin’s beard, one might say that Christmas came early (not my words).
Enjoy monkeys!
After the few hiccups we’ve had lately at the Trailer Round-up (site being down, little-to-no trailers, etc), I decided to treat you guys to a special edition of the Trailer Round-up. What did I do to make this weeks Round-up all the more special? Why, I added pictures of course! Add to that with trailers featuring Santa’s inbred child, robot cock fighting, emo aliens, an Irish Rasputin and Odin’s beard, one might say that Christmas came early (not my words).
Enjoy monkeys!
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Arthur Christmas / Rio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHzvlSRn51Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcMi14rJkG8
NOTE: I include both of these movies together because, well, I’m the jerk who refuses to acknowledge any CGI film that isn’t Pixar.
First we have Arthur Christmas, yet another magical tale about those related to Santa Claus who are left with the responsibility to fulfill Santa’s duties, a la Elf, Fred Claus and almost anything with Tim Allen. Arthur Christmas, however, seems to reveal the dark secret that Mr. & Mrs. Claus might be related, being that their son Arthur is…um…how do I say this lightly?
Rio, on the other hand, casts Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway, George Lopez, Jamie Foxx and *shudder* Will.i.Am as birds. Frankly, I’m a bit disappointed that a film about Rio de Janeiro, Brazil doesn’t have more scantily clad women with large posteriors. Oh wait.
CGI Booty. My friends, we are living in the future.
Real Steal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6QKfB4ooOw
I’m sure plenty of people automatically thought that Real Steal was based on the old school Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots toys of yesteryear. I, on the other hand, like to think that Real Steal shows us an alternate universe where Battle Bots was never canceled and became super popular.
Speaking of fighting robots, I have a friend named Jose who’s way too into robotics competitions, and I’m pretty sure right now, at this very moment, he is masturbating furiously.
I Am Number Four
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP6zhpST3Ro
Hold on a minute. Is this D.J. Caruso’s fourth feature film?
Much better.
Also, too much like Twilight. NEXT!
Vanishing on 7th Street
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFbBIUcklt8
This is the closest thing I’ll ever get to an Alan Wake film. So yes, despite that it has Hayden Christensen and John Leguizamo, I will be watching this and I will most likely be disappointed. Soon after, I’ll remember how awesome Alan Wake was and I will finally bring myself to play the DLC. So basically, everybody wins (and by everybody, I mean Alan Wake).
Kill the Irishman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2zN53Vwnz0
This little Rasputin-slash-Mob tale seemed really interesting and even seems to have some of the charm that Guy Ritchie films used to have. Add a cast starring Ray Stevenson, Vincent D’Onofrio and Christopher Walken, and I was geared up to watch this as soon as it came out.
But then the music played, and a queasiness came over me, and I swore off ever seeing this movie after the ear rape that had just taken place.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsw16g1wa9g
No No No No No No No No No No No No No No.
No.
The Mechanic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caTQ3qcMHXw
You mean to tell me that this isn’t about the dramatic yet fascinating world of auto repair? Well what is it about? Pair of assassins played by Ben Foster and Jason Statham seeking revenge for a father figure played by Donald Sutherland? WHO THE HELL IS GOING TO SEE THAT!?
You’re f*cking up, Hollywood. BIG TIME.
Thor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXcVlUSmp8c
When I was growing up, I never understood the draw of Thor. I got that he wore a funny hat and threw hammers at people, but other than that, I thought Thor was pretty stupid.
Today I am older and just as juvenile, and honestly after watching the trailer for the new Thor film, I still don’t understand the draw. Yea Asgard looks phenomenal and Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin is some kind of wonderful, but I still see a long haired lady man with a funny hat throwing hammers.
And it's in 3D. SMH all over this.