By The biggest trailer of the week is arguably the Red Band trailer for Spike Lee’s Oldboy remake (I say arguably because I’m personally more interested in Saving Mr. Banks). Folks on the site are still arguing about it (I’ve never seen more than 20 minutes of the film, so I don’t contribute to those arguments), so it apparently means something. All I saw was a trailer for a film that sort of looks interesting, but I’m not supposed to think it’s interesting…or something whatever.
In other trailer news, we have The Canyons (that terrible movie starring a porn star and James Deen), a teaser for How to Train Your Dragon 2 (Train Harder), and of course, Saving Mr. Banks, a film about making Mary Poppins starring Tom Hanks as Walt Disney. It looks so great.
Hit the jump for the notable trailers of the week.
Austenland (August 16th)
Starring: Felicity and Bret McKenzie
Synopsis: Felicity is so obsessed with Jane Austen that she decides to head to Austenland, a resort full of Jane Austen shenanigans, instead of cutting her hair.
Comments: If you’re familiar with the works of Jane Austen, assume it’s going to be droll.
Verdict: Felicity should’ve just cut her hair again.
The Canyons (oh who cares)
Starring: Pornstars
Synopsis: LiLo slides further down into obscurity.
Comments: Oh LiLo, I used to love you.
Verdict: Damn it LiLo, why couldn’t you just put down the pipe?
Curse of Chucky (on DVD this October)
Starring: Uhhhh, people.
Synopsis: A direct to DVD fifthquel to Child’s Play takes the Chucky doll and wreaks havoc on a new family.
Comments: Although I understand the fact that it’s straight to home video, it looks a little too good to just go ignored.
Verdict: Hmm…okay.
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (June 20th, 2014)
Starring: Jay Baruchel and other voices from the first film.
Synopsis: Not sure really since this was just a teaser.
Comments: Toothless looks cute, Hiccup looks more confident, and the entire thing just looks prettier overall.
Verdict: Can’t wait to start soarin’ and whatnot.
The Lifeguard (August 30th)
Starring: Kristen Bell, Kristen Bell, and Kristen Bell
Synopsis: Kristen Bell is a lifeguard.
Comments: Kristen Bell is a lifeguard.
Verdict: Kristen Bell can guard my life any day.
Lovelace (eventually)
Starring: Amanda Seyfried and Peter Saarsgard
Synopsis: Seyfried stars as Linda Boreman, woman who changed her name to Lovelace and starred in the very famous pornographic film, Deep Throat.
Comments: This sounds all very depressing, but Seyfried seems to nail it (get it? I’m so funny).
Verdict: Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll catch it on DVD.
Oldboy (October 11th)
Starring: Josh Brolin
Synopsis: As I’ve said I’ve never finished the original, but I assume the film is about a guy falsely accused of murder, who gets locked in a room for 20 years, and then is released, and searches for his daughter.
Comments: It looks pretty neat actually. If I didn’t know there was original, I would have no idea I was supposed to believe this version was inferior to it.
Verdict: I’m pumped for it, really.
Our Children (August 2nd)
Starring: Emilie Dequenne and Tahir Rahim
Synopsis: The film follows a married couple who struggle after having five kids.
Comments: Hubes liked it, and Hubes’s word is law.
Verdict: Hubes is the law.
The Power of Glove (eventually)
Starring: Nintendo’s Power Glove accessory.
Synopsis: A documentary about Nintendo’s popular failure.
Comments: The title of the film reminds me of both Back to the Future and The Wizard. How is that not worth at least a watch?
Verdict: It’s so baaaad.
Saving Mr. Banks (limited release December 13th and wide December 20th)
Starring: Tom Hanks, Emma Thompson, Colin Farrell, Paul Giamatti, Jason Schwartzman, Annie Rose Buckley, and B.J. Novak
Synopsis: Walt Disney (Hanks) wants money and P.L. Travers’s (Thompson) book, Mary Poppins.
Comments: Eh, yup.
Verdict: Why hello there, Oscar.
Seventh Son (January 17th, 2014)
Starring: Jeff Bridges
Synopsis: …what?
Comments: …who?
Verdict: …why?
Sweetwater
Starring: January Jones and who cares cause January Jones.
Synopsis: January Jones plays basically the same character as Patricia Arquette played in Holes.
Comments: The title just reminds me of Roll Bounce.
Verdict: “Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetwaaaaaaaaateeeeeeeeeer!!”