By I know this may be hard to believe, but once upon a time i was part of my high school’s football team. Till this day, I reminisce about those dewey evenings, running out on that field, bright lights shining above me and sitting the f*ck out of that bench. Don’t be sad for me, for being a permanent bench warmer was the perfect situation for me because I got to enjoy the benefit of getting girls without any of the hard work or harm of playing the actual sport. But today, I’d like to address my former teammates as well as anybody else who got caught up in the church of high school football.
Remember when the world was yours and you were super popular? Everybody said you were definitely going to play college ball and pro ball. Remember when you finger banged Becky in the locker room? That was awesome, right? Remember that time you caught the thing and scored the winning..points? How come nobody else remembers that and why does your life suck so much now? Well, I’ve got the movie for you! It’s called Touchback and it’s about this dude (who’s just like you, bro!) who’s offered the chance to replay the final game that ultimately left him handicapped and stranded in his po-dunk town. Also, his coach is McReady and WTF TIME TRAVEL FOOTBALL LULZ.
So dust off those ill fitting letterman jackets and prepare to disillusion yourself come April 13th, 2012.
[via Yahoo]