By Hey, squirt. How’s it going? Sorry to miss you over the weekend, and all, but you know how it is–cold, snowy, planes aren’t always getting in the air, needed to sell plasma, et cetera, Peter Cetera. Heh heh.
So, there’s this video of people testing three sources of bodily harm from Home Alone. You ever watch Home Alone? Might be before your time. It’s dumb, but it’s got violence. You like violence? Sure ya do, kiddo. Just like your mom, you are, and more so every year.
All right, watch these kids test out the heated door knob, the paint can to the face, and the crowbar to the ribs. Don’t try this at home, because if you tried it at home, you would die. Don’t want you dying while I’m visiting–your mom would beat the crap out of me.
See that slow-motion paint can concussion/decapitation? Kind of made things better, didn’t it? Yeah, it sure did.
Well, okay, slugger. I gave you your present and now I have to be off. More plasma to sell and more packages to steal. You tell your old man he was never good enough for your mom, and it’s not just me saying that because I’m her brother. We Flixists know good character, and your pops is a real sonuva–
Ah, jeez. Don’t cry. Crap. Here, Wipe your tears with this two dollar bill. Happy birthday. Take care. See you next year.
[via Vsauce3 on YouTube]